Sep
29
Be on the ground floor of creating a new Transgender social networking group for McLean County and beyond. We are starting a new group. This group is for anyone who is Transman, Transwoman, Intersex, or questioning. We are a confidential social networking group that is here to support the needs of our community.
Anyone who is interested please feel free to contact tginbnil@hotmail.com or frank@mcatf.org for more information.
Know womeone who may be interested, here is a printable flier.
Tags: Transgender
5 Responses to “A new Transgender group”
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Hey, My name is Dana, and I’m really excited about this new group. It doesn’t matter if you’re a transman or woman, we would love to have you. What is this group going to be about, what are we going to do? That’s totally up to you. We can be a social group, a political group, a support group, a college age group, or anything you want! I’ve just moved here, and I can see a definite need for a Transgender group here in Bloomington Normal. Your confidentiallity is a top concern, and I understand that. We have a community here, lets get together and talk about what we can do to help those who haven’t connected, and to connect with those who are out and about. tginbnil@hotmail.com, working through MCATF (Thanks Frank and David). Hope to see you soon. Look for our flyer on this site.
Hey!!!!!
Some really Great News!!!! I have had 3 requests for attendance to the VERY FIRST and sure to be completely AWESOME Transgender group in Bloomington Normal, and I know of a possible 2 others from our Friday night youth group.
All we’re asking is that you be 18, and identify as Transgender or questioning. For location or if you’re not sure, write me here or at tginbnil@hotmail.com.
Question? What is one of your favorite books? I’ll bring some of mine, lets share resources. Also, be thinking about the things you would like to discuss, to do, what kind of group you want this to be. Several have asked me for details, and my answer is: whatever you want it to be, there is no reason for us to trap ourselves into a mold. I’m so excited!!!!
Hi, Me again. I wanted to let you know we are up to possibly 9 attendees for our first meeting. Can’t wait to see you there!!
I just wanted to let everyone know that we’ve had some really great repliles and I think we’re going to have a great group here in Bloomington Normal.
Will you be there Oct 24th?
This will be a long letter, but worth your time…
I attended an incredible eCISSA (East Central Illinois Safe Schools Alliance) event last night last night at Parkland college in Chamnpaign IL. I cried, and cheered, and when I left I was on such an emotional high I could hardly contain myself. I got home late, and I wish I had written this then, but I still want to share with you some of the comments and my emotions and thoughts they brought to surface in me. For those of you who don’t know me, I am a Transgendered woman.
I’ll post this on Facebook, and in e-mail. Please feel free to pass it on.
First, I want to say what an absolute INCREDIBLE job eCISSA did organizing this event. I don’t think I have ever been to an event so well presented, and that challenged me on a personal level for doing more in my community. I showed up only 10 minutes late because of work and the 1 hr drive to get there, and was completely surprised from the beginning at the Standing Room Only in the Parkland Theater. There must have been 200 people there, or more. (My estimation) I can never express enough here to be as emotional and compassionate as I felt last night.
There was a panel of 9 people of various backgrounds. A Professor, an Illinois Superintendent of Education, a High School Teacher, a Middle School Social Worker/Parent, a High School Student, a former High School student, a School District Attorney, 2 Recent High School Graduates, and a High School Principal. These people represented the teachers, Dr’s, lawyers, students (of the GLBTQ and interracial commumities), and an open chair for the Transgender or other unrepresented issues for that night. No Transgender students were on the board, because none were available to speak.
I missed some of the opening remarks, but they were setting the stage for the GLBTQ (Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Questioning) conversation about to happen.
Kendall was the first to speak. He was an incredibly positive, open young gay man. He was class President, and was very active in his school There is no way I can express here the feeling I got when he spoke so positively about being openly gay, and all that he has done in his school. He did say that not everything was so easy, I think it was his positive attitude that made you think it was. He spoke of his coming out to parents, and how his first boyfriend was forbidden to see him. What are some of the challenges, or “sharks” as he called it. He was a cheerleader, and even though he felt relatively safe in his school, he was vigilant when visiting other schools. What are some of the other places to look out for “sharks”? New places, public, theater, wherever we may go. The messages that stuck with me were how positive and open he was, yet how vigilant we must all be!
Dr Aragon spoke next. He spoke about seeing kids come out earlier than ever before, even coming out in Middle School. This made perfect sense to me as we grow safer in our schools, and most of us know about our sexuality and identity at a very early age. He talked about types of bullying that happens in the schools, and spoke mostly of the GL experience, leaving out the BT. He gave some statistics on suicidal thoughts, and how LGBT kids are 4X not likely to finish High School. Q is 7X not likely to finish High School. A question was asked, how was GLBTQ harassment different than any other harassment? He replied that our system is not equipped to deal with our issues, that adults question the validity, and adults/teachers/administrators often do not have the vocabulary to deal with the situations. Media misconceptions and who we are, are all too often misrepresented. We need more policies, but more than that, we need a new mind set. Policies only police us, we must educate to really change how we think and to change our minds.
Steve, a social worker at a Middle School. Steve spoke about his son, who is now in his 20’s, coming out to him. He said the experience helped him as he deals with situations in schools today, by learning a supportive language. Most kids are scared to talk to their parents. Teachers and staff don’t know what to say when a situation comes up, or when approached by a student. Staff attention can reduce the harassment, when other people see us react positively when we are questioning, it creates a more positive atmosphere.
Janelle, a Small Rural School student, tried to start a GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) in a small town. She implemented a Day of Silence in the school, and distributed stickers for safe zones to faculty sponsors. There were many problems in her school, she was challenged by faculty and staff that if was going to live this “lifestyle” there would be “problems”. She had to change the name of her group to a Diversity club, and was still denied a club in school. When she mentioned the ACLU to the principal, he asked her if she was threatening him. The school challenged her to prove they met at a regular schedule, that she had a sponsor, and club members. Meanwhile, the school approved a coloring club, and several other similar clubs. She fought to create a GSA in her High School for 3 years, and it seemed that the school was waiting for her to graduate for it to disappear. I don’t think I understood the outcome, but what an incredible story of how we are met with challenges, and how we can have the strength to push on.
I often had the feeling that as we all say GLBTQ, the GL rolls off our tongue quite easily, B comes to us, and it seems T is often difficult or forgotten, and Q many times falls off the list, even for me. I have to remember that we’re talking about the time in our lives that we were still struggling with who we are, trying to identify it, put a name to it, understand if we are alone or not, and if we can accept ourselves as who we are.
M. (name withheld) – an Indian woman, a lesbian, and a wonderful person. I often don’t understand the racial and cultural challenges others go through. Even though I have traveled many places in the world, and have worked in multi-cultural settings, I’m white, and born in the US, so I sometimes take for granted what challenges others have. She spoke of being a member of two minorities, racial and GLBT, and how those conflicted with her culture at home and her culture at school. Neither was safe. Her parents came from a culture where being Lesbian was not accepted, and even against the law at one time. She was not out to her family because she valued the respect of her family and her cultural community. She spoke about how her life changed when she came out at school. She related the experience of signing her yearbook, and how she used to get such positive comments on her personality, and being outgoing and smart. Now, the comments, ALL the comments, mentioned her being Indian and Lesbian. So that’s all she was to her classmates. A Lesbian Indian. A label.
Jesse, a former High School student, now in college. Unfortunately, they had passed out question cards and I was filling it out during some of her presentation. I stopped after realizing it was too important not to listen to. What an incredible young woman. She talked about how she knew who she was at an early age, about cutting her hair short because she wasn’t girly, and how the kids called her names and harassed her. She told a story of how she struggled through high school, not understanding why she wasn’t accepted, and not finding any “support systems” from her parents, teachers, or friends. She spoke of an issue with a PE instructor who verbally abused her in front of a PE class, called her names, and how she didn’t understand why this was happening. She approached the principal, and he challenged her to get written statements from witnesses. WRITTEN STATEMENTS FROM WITNESSES IN A HIGH SCHOOL PE CLASS!!!! The teacher denied the situation, and was never disciplined. Jesse was attacked on the street one night and beaten by 3 boys. Her mother called the ambulance, and the 3 boys were found. In order for them to be charged she had to identify them. In the ambulance, strapped to a backboard, bleeding from her mouth and face, the EMT’s lilfter her up so she could identify the boys. She knew 2 of them. They said they thought she was a boy
(as if that makes a difference). She was later moved to an alternative high school where she graduated with honors and is now in college.
There were more presentations, and others spoke about laws, policies, etc. I was impressed at how the acronym GLBTQ was so hard to say for some of them, and how GL was easy, but the rest just wasn’t. I heard comments about people who would say, “If you’re going to be so openly gay, what do you expect?” A lawyer talked about Sexual Orientation including gender identity, and I don’t think I agreed…morally anyway. Legally it may mean the same things, they didn’t to me.
What were the thoughts and emotions raised in me? It took me back to memories of my first love. She was very similar to Jesse, and to this day I don’t know if she was lesbian. She was “Tomboy” (and I’m hoping that term isn’t offensive to anyone). Her father supported her 100%, and never let anyone make fun of her. I eventually broke up with her for some really stupid reasons, but I think of her often, probably daily.
Hiding, Coming Out!! I never came out to my parents. My father scared me, he wouldn’t have a son who was not a man!! Anything I did that was not manly was threatened, and no I don’t mean “heavily criticized”. We didn’t have that kind of family structure. My parents are good people, and I can’t stress that enough. They had no education and were left to fend for themselves at 18. I’m sure dad was only doing what he thought was the right thing. I regret still not having a closer relationship with my mother and I wish she knew she has a daughter. I knew who I was from an early age, and the teasing started very early. “You walk like a girl!” is what I heard in gradeschool. I tried for a long time to learn to walk so the kids wouldn’t make fun of me. I didn’t fit in with the boys, and a few of the nicer ones let me be friends with them, but it didn’t last. As we grew, I didn’t fit in. I didn’t like cars, or other boy things, and my best friend as we were growing up pretty much abandoned me when we got to High School.
I didn’t get along with my grade school PE teachers and coaches. I was in a very small school, my home town was only about 5000, and this was a small country school, the same school my dad attended, as did my 2 oldest girls. I was different. I knew it, but I didn’t know what was going on. I knew I felt like a girl, but I obviously wasn’t one. Was I gay, what was wrong with me? There was no vocabulary like Transgender, Support System, or Safe Zones. I got in trouble once in gradeschool, and right now I can’t remember what it was about but the PE teacher made me play basketball with the girls instead of the boys. I remember how excited I was, and at the same time humiliated because everyone else saw a boy who had to play with the girls. In the 7th grade, one of the boys wanted to prove he was the toughest in the class and picked fights with all the boys. I don’t honestly know now how the rest did, or even if he really had fights with them, none of them showed up to school looking like they fought.. He met me one night at the local theater and beat me so badly I could hardly see. I walked down a couple of blocks to where my parents had a business, and my dad told me never to come home again if I looked like that. To this day, I shake when confronted, and can’t really handle intense situations where people are arguing. I had a cousin who used to paint my fingernails. We often stayed at our Aunts house when my parents worked, and she would ask me and my 2 younger brothers if she could. I always volunteered. When my uncle found out he put an immediate stop to it. He didn’t spank me, or beat me, but I knew I had better not get caught doing that again. In High School I found new friends. People who were not the “Jocks” or the “Grits”, they were just out there. I found people who didn’t feel like they fit in, and somehow I fit in with them. I found lifelong, incredible, wonderful friends, who to this day surprise me at how wonderful they are. I reinvented myself in High School, making new friends, and staying under the radar. I knew who the other 3 gay boys were in school, and had an idea that the woman PE teacher was gay. It was obvious you couldn’t talk about “it” at school. I knew people who were beaten, and just disappeared from school . I remember knowing I fit in, but still not having an explanation for who I was. I liked girls, but I wasn’t “straight”? It didn’t occur to me till only recently (I can be hard headed sometimes) that all my girlfriends were more masculine, or tomboyish. I searched the entire school and city library for a book that could tell me who I was. The first media figure I identified with was Billy Crystal in the TV show SOAP, which I had to get permission to watch from my mother. Still, the character wasn’t right, he dressed as a woman and said he was gay. That wasn’t me. In my Junior year I realized many of the kids had plans for their futures, and I didn’t. I could figure out who I was, I always felt behind or left out. I went to the guidance counselor and got no help, I didn’t come from the right family or I wasn’t in the “in” crowd. I really had no idea what I wanted to be, I still didn’t know who I was. I was a school photographer, and it was the only thing I knew how to do, so I worked and got myself into a college as an Arts major. I was 17 when I graduated High School. I went 1 year of college and my dad pulled me out. I was 18 now, and on my own. He did try to help me, but I felt trapped. The little bit of freedom I felt on campus, and seeing openly gay students, made this naïve small town kid feel like there was more out there. My world stopped. I did what everyone expected me to do. My girlfriend asked me to marry her, I did. My dad said I was making the biggest mistake of my life. We had kids, I worked, I put myself though college while working full time and supporting a wife and kids. I was 22 when I first met someone like me on the streets in Nashville TN. I found the word “Transgender”. I struggled with who I was. I was in church, and God was a big part of my life. My Grandfather, a preacher, was the most influential person in my llife, yet here I was, an abomination (God, I hate that word)…or so I thought. Years later, I came to a point where I could no longer hide. I was suicidal, hadn’t told a soul, and just had to reach out or die. I fortunately found a TG group in St Louis MO, and found a therapist. I remember the day she gave me her diagnosis, only 3 sessions into our years of work together. I cried, someone who was somebody, who was trained, educated, a Dr, confirmed to me that I was GID (Gender Identity Disorder). We talked about how she didn’t believe it was a disorder, and she didn’t have to list it when she turned my session into insurance. She could call it something else. I told her, NO, I wanted it to say GID.
I have many more stories of coming out to friends, the night my wife found out 18 years into our now 25 yr marriage. Two of my three daughters know, my oldest 24 and my youngest 10. I haven’t come out to my parents, and my home church doesn’t know. I don’t live there anymore, and like M above, the young Indian woman, I value the respect those people give me, and can’t imagine losing them. I fear losing my job, as I am somewhat out in my community. I fear losing my marriage, she is still in denial and it appears she won’t ever fully accept me. I fear losing the one daughter I haven’t told. I fear losing my parents, and am horrified at the thought of my Father who has had a stroke and multiple heart attacks dieing, and me being….not happy, but somewhat relieved that I may not have to tell him. What kind of person thinks that, and what does that say about my fear. I am 45 now, and I know who I am. I do what I can to help others in my community, and I so badly want to complete my journey as a woman. I think only in the last few months that I have found that person I was just before my dad pulled me out of college. I don’t even know who that Guy was who walked around in my shoes the rest of the time, he was a placeholder while life happened.
I have now come out to quite a few people, carefully selecting friends, co-workers, and a few relatives. Each one knows the secret. And one very special friend has become my closest friend, someone from High School who now embraces who I am, and loves me for me. Thank you, you’ll never know how much that means to me.
As I sit here crying, and thinking about all the detail I didn’t put into this letter, I’m starting to remember who I am, and the fears I had back then in my forgotten life. Thank you too all who spoke at the eCISSA event, you reminded me of my own struggles and why it is absolutely critical we all do what we can to make our schools safer, and to help our GLBTQ brothers and sisters be who they are, and know they are safe.